"Where to Look, What to Say"

This is a short story I recently wrote about an issue that most of us have. Do any of you have a problem looking at or knowing what to say to someone that has a difference? Hopefully, this story can enlighten you.
Where to Look, What to Say

Not long ago I was sitting next to a small delicate woman that was so proud of her age she started the conversation by saying this is my 80th birthday. We were sitting together at the theater watching the Jersey Boys. This lovely sweet lady was from New Zealand and her family was celebrating in NYC.

As we chatted I asked her “Where are you staying? At the Sheraton Hotel” she answered. “My group and I are staying there as well”, I explained. She then went on to ask me if I had seen the large group of people staying there that had many deformities and scars. “Oh,” I proudly said, “ I am with that group”. I then gently put my hand on hers and explained that we are a group of burn survivors that meet once a year. There were 900 attendees which was the largest group to ever attend.
She then went on to say, “I want to say something to them and I don’t want to look away” but “I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO LOOK OR WHAT TO SAY”.

Many times I hear people say the same thing. Anyone that has a difference, and that can mean a wheelchair, obesity, and disfigurements. I am part of a special group of people that have differences. I am a burn survivor. The fortunate thing about me is that I can cover up my scars. I don’t choose to hide because I am very proud of what I went through to just be alive.
{My hidden burns as well as my outgoing and friendly nature allow uninjured people to freely inquire about what it is to be a burn survivor, what it was like to be burned, how it is to live with the scars, how our life has changed and what happened. Letting others know that we are just human beings, like them, even though we look different that there is nothing to fear from talking to us, looking at our scars or being near us.}
Luckily our group is in the minority but it gives us a large platform to inform others about burn injury.

My new friend asked so many questions and sincerely wanted to learn what to do when she was around someone with a difference and I was honored to share some tips with her.
During the intermission time we talked about where to look. So many times we are told “the eyes are the windows to our soul”. I believe that is true, but I fine that is the first place to look whether someone has a difference or not. It seems to me it is an instant connection. Look into the persons eyes and just say “Hello”. I went on to say, most of us would rather have someone ask us about our injury than stare and turn away. At lease I would. I introduced her to my husband sitting on the other side of me. He lost the left side of his face in our accident and the fingers on his left hand. I had her practice shaking his hand, looking in his eyes and saying “Hello”.

By the end of the performance we had hugged goodbye shared addresses and we went in different directions to our hotel. As soon as I arrived back many of my burned friends were in the lobby laughing and talking and of course I joined in. Not long after,, I see my new little theater friend walking towards me calling out my name. Immediately, I thought, this is perfect she can practice some more. I introduced her to many of my friends and she talked and laughed with us for an hour or so.

How many of us feel uncomfortable around people that are not like us? I know for many years I did until I was the one that was different. After our accident I felt invisible. Everyone that looked at me turned away or made comments. At first I was bandaged and in a wheelchair with a body brace on. Then I had to wear a what they call a Jobst Garment for two years for my burns. It has been a long difficult journey but one of the most rewarding experience of my life.

Please remember, none of us ask to be different, so the next time you see someone, please look in their eyes, smile and say “Hello”.